Monday, April 6, 2009

Shamrock Shakes & Shenanigans (Dial 1-900-Megans-Law)

I'm not an easily disturbed guy. A few of the things that creep me out:

- Eyeball surgery on the Discovery Channel
- Headless department store mannequins
- Standup comedy featuring puppets
- Brand name goods at competitive prices (how do they do that?)
- The new Burger King commercial featuring a remix of Sir Mix-a-Lot's Baby Got Back selling Spongebob toys in their BK Kid's Meals




Burger King's Baby Got Back commercial/acid trip


Someone somewhere thought it would be a good idea to mash together a cartoon icon, fast food, a children's toy, a nightmare-inducing mascot, and a 90's rap song about juicy round asses into one 30 second commercial.


Since integrity and street cred are things of the past I have a few suggestions to continue the Old School/BK campaign if Burger King is listening. Might as well make an entire album.

1.) Straight Outta Croissan'wich (NWA)
1.) Strictly Biscuits (E.P.M.D.)
2.) Punks Jump Up To Get Big Fish (Brand Nubian)
3.) Welcome to the TendercrispDome (Public Enemy)
4.) Wild Wild Western Burger (Kool Moe Dee)
5.) We Want Cheezy (Tots) (Eazy-E)
6.) Milk Shaker (Wreckx-N-Effect)
7.) The Onion Ring Lover's in the House (Heavy D)
8.) Givin Up the Nappy Whopper (Ice Cube)
9.) Kick em in the TenderGrill (3rd Bass)
10.) Time 4 Sum Hash Browns (Redman)
11.) Bonita Applepie (A Tribe Called Quest)

Honestly, I'm just bitter Burger King jacked my karaoke jam. Couldn't they have just used a Tone-Loc song? I've heard if you throw a few french toast sticks his way he'd probably play ball.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

On the Prowl - To Serve & Protect

This morning I had to be at work at the crack of 10 a.m. for a meeting. Usually my day doesn't begin until 12:30 so to me 10 a.m. might as well be 5 a.m.

I pulled out of the alleyway and noticed a city police car at a stop sign on the corner. My mind wandered trying to recall the last time I was pulled over and if all the points were cleared from my license as I waited at the next intersection for traffic to pass. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the officer speed up next to my car and do the "roll down your window, buddy" motion.

What is he going to nail me for? No seat belt? Broken tail light? Bound and gagged teen girl in the trunk (lucky guess on his part)? I rolled the window down and tried to look as innocent and white as possible (maybe he thought I was Mexican...should I flash my Polish Falcons membership?).

Him: "Hey, where'd you get that sticker at?"

Me: "ahhhh....what?

Him: "The Transformers decal in your window. I've been looking for one for the car."

For those of you who have never had the pleasure of riding in the Locomobile he was admiring this:

Back Seat of My Buick, Let's Swing an Episode

I'm not a bumper sticker guy by any means. This is the only piece of flair on my car besides an Autobot front plate that needs to be reattached. This is not the first time someone has chased me down to ask to ask me about it but it is the first time it was an officer of the law.

After I finished soiling myself (and casually slipping on my seat belt) I let him know that they can be had on eBay for a few bucks. I don't know if he wanted one for his own personal vehicle or if he wanted to pimp out the cop car, but if you see this protecting Erie...


...you can thank me.

Monday, March 16, 2009

New Year's Resolutions

Photo by Emily Bean


1.) Blog more often.

2.) Be punctual.


So how am I doing? Happy St. Patricks's Day.


Monday, December 15, 2008

Old to the New (The Erie Bayhawks do the Wave)


It's been over 16 years since the Erie Wave folded and left town for good. Ten days later the entire World Basketball League went belly up and one of the founders was sentenced to prison for embezzling money. Not exactly a glorious end to minor league basketball in Erie.


They were only around for three seasons, but I loved the Erie Wave (and as a 12 year old I loved the Eriesistable cheerleaders too). The games were cheap and the talent that passed through the league was a nice mix of former college stars and soon-to-be NBA players (Tim Legler, Mario Elie, Delray Brooks, Rick Barry's kid Scooter, Boo Harvey, Keith Smart, John Starks). You can even trace my love jones for Canada back to the WBL. They played a bunch of Canadian teams from places like Calgary, Halifax, & Hamilton so I heard the Canadian National Anthem all the time.


Hell, for their last season my friend Greg and I were ballboys for the team. It was a volunteer gig but we got in for free and hung with the team. Personal highlights included rebounding for the Estonian National Team (7ft monsters who didn't speak a lick of English) and getting accidentally stomped in the crotch by Jamie Waller while sitting under the hoop during a televised game. Did I say highlights?

Unfortunate victims of 90's fad fashions...and you can see why God had to take my hair early.

I was crushed when they left town in 1992. Somewhere exists footage of myself and Greg outside of the Erie Wave offices pouring our little hearts out to a television crew about their demise. I spouted off about the politics of it all and how it was a travesty they were never given a fair chance to secure local funding. Remind me to find and destroy those tapes.

Cut to 16 years later when the NBA placed a developmental team here that is essentially a farm team for the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Philadelphia 76ers. The Erie Bayhawks tipped off at the Tullio Arena for the first time on Thursday night. It was pretty surreal being there and it conjured up a lot of memories from the Erie Wave days.


The organization put on a pretty impressive show and the team is off to a good start. Hopefully the people of Erie will support the team and their stay here is longer than the three years the Wave existed.

Crowd prompting or a nice tribute to Erie's basketball past?

I'm looking forward to seeing as many games as I can and I wish the franchise success. When you're at a Bayhawks home game stop over and say hello. I'll be the guy sitting behind the home bench representing the Wave and yelling at the ballboys if they fold the warmup jerseys incorrectly.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Misguided Youth or 4-Year Olds Love Me (Not in That Way, Sicko)

Without anyone prompting him to do this my nephew Corey approached my mother with pen and paper and said (I'm paraphrasing here) "Grannie, take a memo" with instructions to give this to me after his family packed up and returned to Indianapolis:

Dictated but not read. The exclamation point and smiley face were his personal touch.

I have three conclusions after reading this:
  • Clearly his other uncles have set the bar really low.
  • I'm mentally on par with a toddler.
  • My nephews & nieces rock the house.
I didn't post this to brag. We spent the weekend watching football, looking at baseball cards, drinking Fresca, playing with my old Transformers, discussing Super Mario Bros., and watching Star Wars (the kid can name all the bounty hunters and identify all the different clone troopers). That makes me kind of lame, but it's makes Corey the coolest 4-year old ever.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Neighborhood Walk - Downtown Erie (Throwing up the W!)

The Neighborhood Walk is a chance to recognize the place you live, work, or call home -- and to introduce it to the world.

On November 11, 2008 (11/11/2008), bloggers, podcasters, vloggers, photobloggers and others are invited to take a walk around their neighborhood, make media about it -- a blog post, photo gallery, video, or whatever you prefer -- and post it on the web.

Take a walk around your block and photograph what you see. Sit outside and write about the people who pass and the world around you. Turn on your video camera and give a guided tour of your neighborhood.



I originally set out to shoot my photo walk last Friday when it was 75 degrees in Erie. True to form I overslept. Monday when I when out to take some shots it was 30 degrees and 6 inches of snow had fallen overnight.


I decided to keep my chilly walk to my immediate neighborhood which is on Erie's Lower West Side, about four blocks from what I consider centre city (Perry Square). The walk was pretty educational for me. I've lived here almost five years, but to be honest I really know nothing about my surroundings. I grew up on Erie's East Side and I know that area like the back of my hand. You want to know about Lakeview Tavern, Trawka's Market, or Pio's? I'll talk your ear off. That will always be my home but it's time to discover where I live.


This is the view from the corner of 7th & Walnut Street. It's the law firm of Melaragno & Placidi, but until I need to divorce my non-existent wife, this is just a really nice looking building to me.

Next to them is the ad agency Fishtank Creative. I've dealt with them professionally before and they seem like a top notch organization. Maybe I should run my resume over. How great would it be to have an 80 yard commute?

Around the corner is the Firefighter Historial Museum. From GoErie: "The museum is housed in the old #4 Erie Firehouse built in 1903. Its two floors contain more than 1,300 items of fire department memorabilia. Displays include antique fire apparatus, badges, ribbons, fire alarm systems, helmets, uniforms, masks and antique fire extinguishers, plus an 1823 hand tub, an 1830 hand-pulled pumper, an 1890 horse-drawn fire engine, a 1920 LaFrance pumper, a 1927 LaFrance fire truck and other apparatus. Turn in a fire alarm, hear the bells ring and see the alarm come in." I haven't been there since I was a wee lad. I'm thinking this is a potential niece & nephew field trip in the near future.

On the corner of 6th & Walnut is the Erie Community Foundation. They spent the entire summer remodeling this building and it looks great. "ECF traces its history back to 1935 when Elisha H. Mack, co-founder of the Boston Store, created a charitable endowment fund. After the tax reform act of 1969, Mr. Mack's fund was transformed into a public charity, The Erie Community Foundation, a process finalized in 1971."


Across the street is another law firm. This stretch of West 6th street is home to a lot of law offices I'm assuming because of its proximity to the Federal and County Courthouses.

West 6th street is known as Millionaire's Row for it's collection of 19th Century Victorian mansions. A lot of the former mansions that are not law offices have become apartments and student housing for Gannon University students.

The Watson-Curtze Mansion (build in the 1890's) is now home to the Erie County Historical Society and Erie Planetarium. These cats lived large 115 years ago: "The mansion has 24 rooms, 17 closets, 5 bathrooms and 12 fireplaces. Most of the rooms are very different in design and style. Upon close inspection many unusual building materials and features can be found. There are mosaics, friezes (hand-painted oil paintings on canvas that are attached to the upper portion of a wall) and stained glass windows.

I have no idea what this place is but in my mind it's a really intense chop shop/diamond heist hideout. In reality they probably just make a lot of macaroni necklaces and watch embarrassing amounts of A&E.

Leprechaun Beer. An old college favorite. Watch out for the guard dog. That guy does not mess around. This is probably where my Molson fixation began.

The area does not lack bars...or cake design places. Can't say I've been in either establishment, but that empty store front between them used to be a comic book store back in the day (around New Mutants Issue #56 I'd wager).

Papa Joe's Pepperoni Cafe is a place I'd make my second home if they stayed open later than 9pm. The original focus was more coffeehouse, but it seems they have moved more into the pizza realm (which isn't a bad thing...I'm told they feature the old Pizza Etc. recipe which rocks the house). Still you can grab a cup there and occasionally they have live music.

The Shaggy Dog. Home of my first American bar beer when I was 19. The majority of my best college bar stories come from here. I don't venture in much anymore, but it's a must-stop when college friends come back into town.

One of the more creative tags around the block. They at least learned the art of the drop shadow.

Martucci's used to be a great mid-city Italian restaurant that closed a few years ago. There was still a demand for their product (mainly their sauce) so they opened up this little carryout operation.

Everyone raves about Pie in the Sky and even though I could hit it with a baseball from my lawn (don't fret...I won't actually do it) I've never been inside. After doing a little research I found out they serve breakfast and feature crepes. I'll be making the trip across the street sooner than later.

Across from PITS is the former Longfellow School. Couldn't find any information on this place other than it closed as a school in 1975. It's now home to...something?

Ye Olde Shur-Fine. The most common landmark when giving directions to my apartment. Very old school inside, but perfect for milk and bread runs in your pj's. I curse them for their early morning delivery trucks that basically park under my bedroom window but I thank them for their (sometimes) crime-deterring parking lot lights.

The First Presbyterian Church of the Covenant aka the free parking lot for former WERG DJ's.

I never noticed this gem before. It's the Boothy Inn Bed & Breakfast. I'll have to vacation in my own neighborhood some time.


Besides the temps I had a great time doing this. When the weather breaks I want to go back to the Lower East Side and do the same thing. If anyone has a hankering for pierogies and beer, feel free to join me.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Celebrate Good Times (Come on!)

Time to play Celebration: Presidential, World Series, or Star Wars. Some are easier than others. Good luck and good job (Democrats, MLB Fans, & the Rebel Alliance).